Are You Ok?

I'm recalling this day in my head and I believe that I have been asked this question maybe ten times by at least five different people. At one point my room mate didn't ask if I was ok, he flat out said "What is wrong?" I was asked so much in fact, that I started to think that I HAD to have a problem. I mean, I was walking past a kid today, I smiled and said hi, kept texting, and he stopped, turned around and said "are you ok?" I was like...."Yeah. Why do you ask?" I sincerely don't believe I've had a problem all day. I mean yeah, I woke up at 4am and went running, I had my two least favorite classes today, and nothing exciting has happened. But I don't think I ever SHOWED a problem nor really HAD one. So I was brushing my teeth saying to my self "What IS wrong with you? Is there?" I only got one answer.

This past weekend at camp, I had an awesome time. I absolutely love Innabah to a depth that most people may not be able to fathom. When I am there, as I was talking to Chelsea about today, I am a completely new/different person. I love being that extroverted happy person at Innabah. I even feel more at home at Innabah than I do at my OWN house some times. I want to go back so badly, and that may be my "problem." I KNOW that I should not go back this summer. If I did, it would be a completely selfish act. I messed up and didn't get RA so now I need to live with the fact that I need to get a lot of money that I didn't earn for being RA. I also know that camp does not pay NEARLY enough to what I need. Let me start a new paragraph and break this down.

Michael + Innabah = Short term, selfish fulfillment.
Michael + Summer Job(s) = Less stress on parents and long term gain.

I have to make the "adult" decision when it comes to Innabah this summer and I know EXACTLY what that means: don't go. But here is the problem, the making the adult DECISION part. If you know anything about me, you know that man created the wheel in less time than it takes me to make a decision and in this instance, I must be decisive. So all of it is just stressful I guess. I want to make my parents happy, help pay for my SUPER expensive schooling, and my self be happy. Not to mention I have the most ridiculous allergies right now. The point to focus on is this: be happy NOW or be happy LATER?

You know the old trick of flipping a coin? Heads for one decision and tails for another? When you flip and you see the answer "fate" has provided you, you think about the decision. If you are happy with it, it was the right decision. If you are unhappy, then you know the other answer was right in the first place. Well, if I were to flip a coin, I'd only be happy if it landed on the side that says "Innabah." To help me get a job, buy a house, have a LIFE, I of course know that the side of my coin says "job." Again, happy now...or later?

I'm exhausted and this is probably very poor writing tonight. My friend Stefan is coming tomorrow and I want to sleep so I can be happy with/for him tomorrow. So...I'm off to bed.

Good night world,
Michael Leather