After ever working with kids, you come to recognize this compound word. It is rather common around the young and even more common with children going away for their first time from Mommy and Daddy and all the familiar things they are around every day. However, I have come to the conclusion that I, a 19 year old Eagle Scout who has years of camping experience, am officially homesick. I want to go home and sleep in my own bed. Eat dinner with my Mother, Father, and Sister. Hang out with my best friends Keith and Katie, and Jamie, and basically everyone from home and essentially have no curfew. I want to relax on my couch and waste away time watching the brain sucking tube named television. I want to sleep in until twelve and go to bed at 1 (13 hours later). I want to do a lot of things but guess what? I can't.
For the last fourteen weeks (roughly) I have been here at Camp Innabah. I work here because I love this camp with every nook and cranny of my heart. I make a right off of Pughtown Road and I instantly feel at home. And by that I mean the sentimental euphoric stomach butterfly with rainbows, unicorns and puppies feeling of walking into ones house and instantly being able to take that deep relaxing breath knowing that the world is perfect once again. After driving up here on Sunday, I realized that this feeling of sheer magical splendor and delight no longer exists. The driveway has potholes, so when I do pull in, I need to be a professional stunt man and avoid bottoming out my car. When I turned into camp this Sunday, I said to myself, "time for my last week. Then I'm finally done." The feelings I had of this mystical place of Godly love are no more and I feel that it's because I have been here for over 3 months straight. I have absolutely seen the best camp has to offer, but I also have seen the complete worst. And I have seen the worst more than I want to accept or admit.
Six of the nine weeks this summer, Challenge camps have been here. I don't know why, bu I can not interact with these campers. My body just...gets exhausted and my body almost literally shuts down like a flashlight with dieing batteries. Around 2 o'clock today, I literally came up to my room to change, and somehow PASSED OUT for 30 minutes. It was so embarrassing. To go along with interaction with the Challenge campers, tonight was all camp activity. Except for the all camp part, only two of the four camps came. But I was the pitcher for my team. I pitched fast. I'll admit that. But then at switchup part in the inning, my one co-worker said to me "Michael, don't forget, CHALLENGE CAMPERS are playing." I got so mad at him. Mainly because of the way he said it. But it helped me to officially 100% realize how BAD I am at working with Challenge Campers. I can't do it. I want to be able to, but I can't process how to. It's so hard to find the heart that Jesus has for these campers. I love them, yes I do. But My mouth and actions have a hard time showing that, and for that I am embarrassed and upset. It really is a whole body effort just for me to say hi. I dislike it so much. But that's another reason for this homesickness: I don't know what to do and I just want the comfort of my home where it doesn't hurt.
I currently am sitting in male staff quarters writing this. They all went out to play Gaga and swim in the pool tonight. I stayed up here and just was by myself. I'm so exhausted, upset, and I just am having a hard time function. After unpacking this trivial game my mind has been playing on me for the last few weeks, I believe I feel better. HOWEVER, sleep is eminent and therefore I go to sleep now. Hence my...
Goodnight world,
Michael Leather
