Every day I walk, observe, think, formulate questions, make scenarios, and imagine what I will write in my blog. Every day comes and goes and I never get a chance to write it down. Every morning I wake up and realize what I have left undone, what I have left unsaid about the day before. I realize that when I don't come here in this place where my thoughts expel from my mind, I miss a day. I think so much and the thoughts I want to express are lost in sleep, in my dreams. I guess that is why I recently started to remember my dreams when I wake up. I've been thinking and when I don't release the expressions of my mind, throw them in this recycling bin called my blog, they stay in my head for it to do with them as it wishes at night. No, it seems as if my dreams have very little to do with my thoughts during the day. But dreams are so mysterious that I can never really assertively tell you "they are not related."
What have I been thinking? Good question. Let me see. I have been thinking about Ivan, getting RA, my French Exam on Friday, my friend's problems, my own problems, etc. I guess the real question is, "Michael, what haven't you been thinking about?" I don't think I can seriously answer that.
So let me spew some thoughts out at you all and we'll see where this goes. Ok? If not, this is probably your stop because this train is about to go full speed ahead and I'm not stopping anytime soon.
Ivan. That little bugger has been taking may thoughts for a while. I was walking with Katie, Kayla and Ken (....HAHAHA) the other day by the pond. We saw geese and Katie said "I wonder which one is Ivan?" It's fairly easy. Ivan has a broken wing. Well, it WAS broken at one point and healed in that way. You can tell that bc it protrudes for his back upwards. Also, to look for Ivan, I looked elsewhere. I saw the group of geese standing on the frozen pond. I thought to myself, "Ivan. No, none of those are him because they are all together." So I looked about 20 feet away in all direction from the flock and guess what? Ivan was there. Interesting huh? I guessed where Ivan was because I know his personality. I know he's a part of the flock now, but is a loner. And that's EXACTLY where he was. I saw something VERY interesting when I was walking by myself later on that day. There was Ivan on the ice. I saw him walking. Think about this, a BIRD was walking (even tho he has no choice because he can't fly). He was walking towards where I was from over by Doane. Now, behind him were other geese. They were FOLLOWING IVAN. What? I guess Ivan is...like me. He is a loner, doesn't feel like he's part of a group. But at this point in his life that I got to witness, he was a leader. Ivan has experience at Eastern. He lives there all the time and knows what he is doing. I wonder if the geese following him recognized this and followed him. They were walking too. Geese that are perfectly capable of flying from one side of the pond to the other walked. Interesting. Then I noticed another characteristic of Ivan that NO other goose has. Ivan has muscles on his legs. If you look, his legs are about double the size of other geese. I guess they have to be. He walks 24/7. He never flies. So he was 1)faster than the other geese walking 2)he has a better walk. The other geese flopped their tail feathers from one side to the other following Ivan, and he just walked without any movement in his tail. Adaptation anyone? Ivan is overcoming his inability to fly with the ability to walk. Something the other geese you see at Eastern will NEVER be able to do. In a way, Ivan has more experience than all the geese. He has flown and now he walks. This makes me think about human life. I'll start a new paragraph for that.
Humans and experience. When I think about what I just said about Ivan and his doing 2 things (walking and flying) as compared to the other geese doing 1 (flying), I think about my friend Chelsea and me. Chelsea has been EVERYWHERE. She has been to so many countries and seen so much. Her room mate Katherine has gone places too and is going to South Africa soon. Me? Well I went to Puerto Rico with Boy Scouts. The girls went to other countries to help others. So what does this mean? They have more experience then I have...in certain aspects. They are kind of better leaders than I am. If I went to another country, went to an airport, or went on a missions trip, I would follow them. In life, I think these girls have more experience. Just like Ivan does. What am I talking about? Here is what this babble is about: DO SOMETHING NEW! Ivan is a leader (kind of) and more "lived." I look up to Chelsea and Katherine because they have been...everywhere. Yes, Ivan had no choice, he had to start walking. we all need to do new things some times. But here is a challenge, do something new every chance you can. You will become more experienced and can share, help, and be a better leader for others just like Ivan is for the other geese, just like Chelsea is for me.
Ok, one more Ivan thing. Trust me though, I'm going to change quickly. Last night I was walking to Walton to get a To-Go. I saw Ivan by himself once again. He was standing on the ice of the pond. He kept putting his head down and picking it up again. I realized he was pecking (like a chicken does) at the ice. He was looking for food! But...there is no such thing as grass on solid ice. This made me think about something. Do we as humans peck at the ice looking for food when there is nothing to eat? To decipher this, I mean "do we try and try to do something even though we know it's impossible?" Now, you know the common phrase "impossible is nothing" with a picture of Muhammad Ali standing over a guy screaming because he just won the heavyweight championship. Ok, I agree. I'm optimistic too, I think you can do anything you put your mind to. But let's be more realistic and less optimistic for a few minutes. Let me ask my question in a different way: Do you keep trying to do something when you know you can't? For instance, do you go to run a marathon when all you've ever run is 5 miles? Do you jump from an airplane with no chute? Do you start a research paper 1 hour before it is due? Do you keep desperately trying to make something happen even though you can't? Matt said something to me two days ago when I was really upset. He said "give it all up to God." I was upset. Something happened that threw me for a loop and I really got super depressed. I've never been that sad in my life. I literally sat in my room for 2 hours in the dark staring at my computer screen just wanting to cry. My brain felt like it wanted to explode from my skull. My throat had a knot the size of Texas and my heart felt like it sank so far that no ocean is deep enough to know what I mean. But...I couldn't control what had happened. I wanted to peck at the ice to get grass when...there wasn't any; there NEVER would be grass on this patch of frozen water. So here is another piece of advice for you: when life gives you lemons, give them to God. I'm not saying he'll make lemonade for you. He doesn't have to. I'm saying, when you have a problem, the only one who can TRULY help you is our Lord and Savior. Matthew 11:28 says "Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest." Do I need to say more? After I talked with Matt, I was fine. I actually felt good again. I realized that no amount of sulking and caring in the world could change what happened. So...why worry about it? Give it to God.
Honestly, I can't think of anything else right now. I'm at the Gryphon right now just typing away. I may write again tonight. I'm kind of in the mood now. But my brain needs a rest. I hope you kept up. If not, just understand that this post today helped my heart and mind giving them rest.
I hope you all have a good day. Mine is pretty awesome.
Just another nugget (read the WHOLE passage, not just this verse) Matthew 6:34
Talk to you later world,
Michael Leather
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