I don't think it's news that I'm an encourager. When someone is upset, I WANT to (pretty much need to) be there for them. Two of my friends this weekend had grandparents pass away. I wanted to help them out so badly. I also realized that I was not always that person that they needed help with. It was interesting. They really do have a good support system and I knew my job would come when they needed me. I told them both to come to me whenever and all I can do is pray for them and wait.
However, it is not always as easy as this to just sit and wait patiently.
Today one of my best friends was upset. You could TOTALLY tell. Especially with his word choice. He uses words that try to make the situation seem small but in reality, it's big in his head. I wanted to do so much for him and help, but I had no idea WHAT to do, if ANYTHING. I am still trying to get to know his mind, which he keeps very guarded and only lets certain people see in. I basically had to say "what do you need from me?" to hopefully find SOMETHING to do for him. But when he said "nothing," that was all I COULD do. I looked at him and I physically hurt because I could feel and see the pain he had. There was background behind this pain and I just wanted to pull the pain out of him forever, but I knew I couldn't; it wasn't MY job. I still feel weird because I don't know if he still feels bad or not. I'll find out tomorrow I guess.
I don't know, I guess it just bothers me that I can be such a great encourager for other people, but for some (especially people who mean SO much to me) I can do LESS than nothing. Maybe things will change one day, maybe they won't. I'm still going to try. We've been getting closer lately and I hope to one day we'll be close enough for him to vent and share with me like he does with others. In the mean time, I will take pride in the fact that I CAN help my other friends and always be there for them. I've said it once, and I'll say it again, "There is a reason why I ALWAYS sleep with my phone next to my head. 3am or 3pm, I'll be there for you."
You're definitely one of the best people to go to with a problem, Michael.
ReplyDeleteim gonna text you at 3am to see if you respond :)
ReplyDeletehaha. Kristen, I'll tell you right now, I probably won't hear your text. If someone were to honestly need me, I expect they'd call. I could totally hear my Superman Theme Song ring tone, but not my "beep" text sound.
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